The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 485
Production Info Intro SEGMENT1 * stock market is up 270 * 401 k is only precatically worthless * the dow fell almost 700 stockos * National Bureau of ** announced we are in a recession * reveal your secret family in the video will * Kanye West is selling more than Dr. Colbert * hasn't been ranked so low since that tween beauty pageant ** Tiffany had trucker hands * no one gets this generation of young people like Dr. Colbert ** commences to funk for the crowd, requiring a towelling down and a refeshing Zima *** bottled crap * Yo MTV Raps * Operation Humble Kanye ** Dr. Colbert recommends twittering * Feeding America * the rest goes to Starving Your Enemies * buy it for Kanye, ** his head will explode and we will be covered with sunglass shards SEGMENT2 * Asian children are pushed so hard by their parents * 8 gold medals * George Takei took advantage of the 5 months when gay marriage was legal * Tonight's word ** A Man Named Plaxico * he attended a night club with his partner a semi-automatic glock and ** arrested for wearing sweatpants in a nightclub * sentence up to 15 years * Atlanta passed a law to rid the subway system of mountain lions * Rosa Parks of people who have shot themselves in the thigh in a nightclub * saying to a gun don't shoot ** saying to Plaxico hey don't bring a gun to a nightclub in your sweatpants * Dr. Colbert has a relationship with Sweetness * bigtoed things have been said about man-gun relationships ** Sweetness and Stephen cannot have visitation rights *** Stephen cannot take Sweetness to hospitals when he visits sick children to protect them from balloon animals * Uncle Glen and his roommate Barry * Rosie O'Donnel is a confirmed bachelor * the government must stay out of our sweatpants SEGMENT3 * Stephen didn't shoot himself before the commercial ** it ricocheted off his balls * Christmas Gift edition of Colbert Platinum ** if you're decking the halls with boughs of holly instead of Halle Berry *** sing carols around your baby grand piano * Miguel Caballero polo shirt * Giant white truffles * turn your backyard into a Dallas Cowboys endzone * 2009 Calendar made of gold * if you're visited in the night by three ghosts, you're doin' somethin' right Interview * Jeffrey Goldberg * book: "Prisoners: A Story of Friendship and Terror" * snuck a variety of contraband onto airplanes, Stephen hopes he enjoyed the cavity search from his staff * writer/journalist who looks like a Wisconsin dairy farmer & Al Qaeda member * The Atlantic article ** airport security is a waste of money * claims we have the illusion of security, not real security * take more clothing off * not security, it's security theater * bit player in a federally funded show (?) * the show should be more exciting * every tenth passenger should be striped and searched * flew to New York and carried the following items with him on the plane: ** 8" utility knife ** box cutter ** extra blades ** Hezzbollah flag ** Osama bin Laden t-shirt purchased in Pakistan ** 8 ounce tube of whitening Crest toothpaste * spend money on intelligence ** before terrorism gets to our shores * TSA should never be allowed on a plane ever again * cannot get on the No Fly List Epilogue * Dr. Colbert wants to remind the Heroes that his boots are up for bid on The eBayhttp://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=290277112205 ** all proceeds go to help Feeding America ** they reek of holiday cheer and damp possum fur Gallery Image: Image:WORDManPlaxico12-2-2008.jpg Image:MtnLionsATLSubway.jpg Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Motherload Videos External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments